Life often becomes really stressful. Whether it's work, family, friends, health, relationships, or any number of things. Sometimes it becomes so distressing or overwhelming that we feel like we desperately need a break. At some point, almost all of us have wished that there was a pause button in life. So, we could quietly take a break and return to our life a bit later – recovered and energised.
The good news is that we do have such a pause button: namely, Sleep. If you have ever wondered what the purpose of sleep is, well, this is its purpose: to give us a break. The bad news is that nowadays we neglect it so much that it becomes impossible for our sleep to serve us optimally. Instead of helping us recover from our daily stresses, nowadays it has become yet another source of stress, at least in extreme cases. How terrible and unfortunate!
Well, if you want to stop neglecting this wonderful phenomena and begin to reap its maximum benefits, let me share a few secrets with you.
SECRET 1: THE ELEMENT OF CHOICE
The main reason we neglect most things in life (including sleep) is that we become passive. We somewhat go on autopilot and start waiting for things to happen. We start to let things happen to us instead of making them happen.
For example, we eat unhealthily our whole life, and wait for our health to deteriorate to the point that we'll be forced to do something about it. Fast-forward ten or fifteen years and we think, 'Well, now it's too late.' – Passive.
But, when we introduce the element of choice into our life (including into our sleep) we start to make deliberate decisions. We start to become active.
For example, I am going to start eating healthier today and start exercising today so that my health doesn't deteriorate to the point where I can't do anything about it. – Active.
So, how are we passive towards our sleep? In two major ways:
1. We wait for exhaustion to make us fall asleep.
Notice next time. We wait, scrolling our phones, or talking needlessly, or watching television, or something else, just waiting for exhaustion to descend upon us like a heavy blanket of tiredness so we can go to sleep. Without exhaustion, we don't feel sleepy enough.
Why do we do this? The reason is very simple really. Exhaustion helps us fall asleep faster, often instantly. Who wouldn't want that? I certainly do. It is hard to get to bed and then have our mind start thinking about all the slights of our day and all the hardships of our life. No way! It is better to just wait for exhaustion and distract ourselves meanwhile so we don't have to think miserable thoughts and feel miserable feelings. So, exhaustion is quite helpful there. But we abuse it, by being passive about it.
Solution? Again, simple really. Having a bed-time. A fixed time of night when we will get into bed, exhausted or not. Do this long enough, for one to two weeks, and we'll find that our exhaustion starts hitting us right before our bedtime. And that we fall asleep instantly. So, we are still making use of exhaustion, but not abusing it this time. We are choosing to go to bed. We have become active.
How else are we passive towards our sleep?
2. We wait until the last minute to wake up.
Again, notice next time. If we have work, we wait till the last possible minute that we have to wake up. If we don't have work, we sleep in late and wait for our body to wake up on its own.
Why do we do this? Well, partly because we have an erratic sleep cycle, so our body has no idea when to wake up. Partly because we sleep late, so naturally, we don't sleep enough when we have work and overcompensate when we don't.
Solution? Simple. Having a wake-up time. A fixed time of morning when we will get out of bed, well-slept or not. Do this long enough, and we'll find that we automatically start waking up right before our wake-up time, on most days at least. And that we wake up almost effortlessly. And that even less sleep feels more restful. So we'll be making use of our body's natural rhythm. We are not waiting for the last minute when we have to wake up. We are choosing to get out of bed. Actively.
Simply by having a bedtime and a wake-up time, and adhering to them religiously, we allow this universe-gifted pause button to do its magic.
SECRET 2: THE ELEMENT OF SLOWNESS
Now that we have actively chosen and fixed our sleeping hours (bedtime & wake-up time), let's take a look at the periphery of those hours, i.e. what we usually do before going to bed and after waking up.
Simply speaking, we rush.
In the evening, we return home tired from work, eat somewhat mindlessly, watch television passively, and go to bed, once we feel sleepy enough, i.e. exhausted. Bad idea.
In the morning, we wake up and quickly get ready, somewhat mindlessly eat breakfast, and rush to work. Bad idea.
Even if we had strictly fixed sleeping hours, that is only half the battle. What we do around those hours matters equally, sometimes even more. Rushing before going to sleep or after waking up doesn't go well with the natural rhythm of our body and mind.
So what can we do? Few things:
1. Before going to bed:
At least a couple of hours before going to bed is a time for relaxing and letting our mind and body quiet down. We discussed earlier that it's a bad idea to be waiting for exhaustion to go to bed. But it is an equally bad idea not to prepare for bedtime.
We must actively do something to prepare and calm our body to prepare for our bedtime.
For example, taking a warm shower is one of the best ways to relax our muscles with the added advantage of making us feel clean which further relaxes our mind. A few yoga poses, stretching our muscles for a minute or so and then releasing them to let them relax. Another good method. Progressive muscle relaxation essentially does the same thing. Maybe a self-massage. All these methods prepare our body to relax. No form of stimulus that will activate our muscles rather than relaxing them, such as exercising.
At the same time, we must actively be doing something to prepare and calm our mind as well while we wait for our bedtime to arrive.
For example, reading (especially fiction) is one of the best methods to calm our minds. Doing a crossword or a puzzle is another brilliant method. Anything that engages our mind actively enough to relax it. Not passive engagement like television, phone, social media, video games, or even conversations (depending). No cheap forms of stimuli which covertly aggravates our mind rather than relaxing it. Cheap stimulus makes our mind noisy, drawing out thoughts; while effortful stimulus calms our mind, soothing our thoughts. Meditation is another effective method to relax our mind.
One of the best ways to relax our body and our muscles is to flex them for half a minute or so and then let them relax. Similarly, one of the best ways to relax our mind is to flex it for a few minutes. Puzzles, crossword, meditation, reading – something that engages our mind fully is equivalent to mental flexing.
Another thing we must avoid is consumption of food or drinks. Ideally, there must be at least a two hour difference between our dinner and our bedtime. Our dinner must not be too heavy or carb-heavy either. Lying down immediately or shortly after having dinner is also a bad idea. (Related Writing: Dangers of Eating Too Close to Bedtime)
What else can we do to avoid rushing?
2. After waking up:
There needs to be a difference of at least three hours after we wake up and before we leave for work or begin our day. This gives our mind and body ample opportunity to wake up and accumulate energy to be spent during the day.
We must not be in a rush to become a part of the world. Passive things that we avoid before bed, need to be avoided after waking up as well. It must mostly contain active and solitary activities.
We must actively be doing something to acclimate and wake-up our body and mind, before we become part of the world again.
For example, physical activities such as exercising or yoga. Drinking some warm water right after waking up. Taking an icy cold shower. All of these are great ways to raise our internal temperature and help wake up our muscles, circulation and other bodily systems. No form of stimulus that will activate our muscles and body. Television, phones, needless conversation, and avoidable chores right after waking up need to be avoided.
At the same time, we must actively do something to acclimate and prepare our mind for the day as well.
For example, engaging in something creative or spirit heavy, like journaling or writing. A cold shower in the morning is as good for the mind as it is for the body. Yoga or anything else meditative can also be beneficial. In my opinion, the time after we are awake and before we start our day is a time to do something creative, something for ourselves, something associated to our deepest personal and artistic goals.
Remember, evening is a time for healthy bodily and mental relaxers. Morning is a time for healthy bodily and mental activators. Evening is a time for cooling or winding down. Morning is a time for warming or winding up.
SECRET 3: THE ELEMENT OF PURPOSE
Now that we have fixed sleeping hours and a few hours surrounding those, let's take a look at what we can do during that time.
1. Waking up with purpose: (Morning Routine)
When we wake up early and have much time on our hands, we cannot waste it wandering around and doing passive things. That would be counter-productive.
We must have a very good reason for waking up early. My recommended purpose is goals that are close to your heart and health. Right after waking up, our mind should not fill with the tension of work or life. We have a few hours to spare before that. So let's pursue the goals that we know are important to us and us alone and don't fit into our societal and functional expectations. Health is one such goal. We usually put it on a backburner when it comes to life. We prioritize work and earning money and health becomes an optional secondary goal. Even if we pursue it, we pursue it after work. Let's fill our morning routine with this goal.
Same is true for creative goals. Everything has become secondary when it comes to making money. Let's also make the pursuit of creative and artistic goals a part of our morning routine. And soon we'll realize that we are waking up with excitement and joy towards that purpose. Our mood improves and our confidence improves. And we become self-disciplined.
Also, it is impossible to deliberately wake up early without a purpose. This is a thing that is done with a clear intentioned goal and much desired purpose in mind. Eventually that purpose will get instilled into us so strongly, that to not have that each morning will leave us feeling amiss and a little miserable. Our discipline and purpose has now become a habit. To not indulge that habit feels excruciating.
2. Sleeping with purpose: (Evening Routine)
Again, a few hours before sleep, we do not need to think about work and other life stresses. There is tomorrow for that. When we start making our sleeping hours deliberate and chosen, we start filling our evening routine with the goal of making our sleep better. We infuse that time with that purpose. It is essential. Because without it, it becomes very difficult to adhere to our chosen timings and prioritize them. Without it, we fall into old patterns and temptations and expectations.
This is a great time to fill with our leisure goals. The active ones. You want to read, but don't get the time? Do it here. Meditation, journaling, writing, puzzles, are also good options. As mentioned before, eating too close to your bedtime is a passive, bad, and a dangerous idea. Grooming yourself and making certain preparations for the next day's routine is an active and a healthy idea. You get the gist.
SUMMARY & CONCLUSION
The idea is to choose to go to sleep and choose to wake up. If the only reason we are waking up is because otherwise we'll be late for work, we aren't choosing to wake up at all. If the only reason we are going to bed is because we feel exhausted, again we aren't choosing it at all. In fact, we are waiting for the last possible moment in time when we wouldn't have a choice. When the choice has been taken out of our hands. We need the opposite of that. We need to actively choose.
Some benefits of an impeccable sleep cycle include: our energies become better balanced, our mood becomes much more stable, our focus and concentration becomes better, our motivation and willpower becomes better, we become more disciplined and resilient, we become more creative, our cravings become less, we have more usable time, our mental health becomes better, we feel at peace. The list goes on and on.
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